Master Procrastinator Cooks Thai!

So while I am making good progress on this paper (I am trying to finish by this evening so I can watch Wipeout! with my brother and his family), I had to eat, and have had a huge hankering for Asian food lately.  I came across a recipe recently on one of my favorite blogs, and decided to try it today (except that I didn’t have Spam).  Here’s the recipe, and then I’ll share my brilliant idea that leads to me cooking one of my favorite Thai dishes EVER!


You will need:

Spam (duh)
Eggs x 3
Rice x 1.5 cups
Vegetable oil
LOVE (the secret ingredient!)

Get yourself a big thing of Spam. Not the little can, the bigger one. I don’t know how big it is, but the one pictured above, that looks almost square in front profile. So easy to purchase! We got ours at CVS. There is no shame, no need to hide it in your basket under the dish soap. There you go.

Bring the Spam home. Unroof the Spam and free it from its metal prison. Do not mind the thin scrim of clear gelatin that has pooled up on the surface, nor the moist squelching noise that issues from the Spam block as you work it free. These are all features intrinsic to Spam. Embrace the goop. Love the noises.

Cut the Spam into slices. Some might prefer cubes, but I think slices are nice. Cut them thin if you can, 1/4″ or less. The Spam will yield easily, like some sort of meat gel. Never you mind about that. It’s going to taste good.

Heat up a pan under high flame and plop the Spam slices facedown. You will not need extra cooking oil, Spam has its own oils. See how easy it makes it for you? Spam loves you! Allow it to cook for a good few minutes on each side, until brown and crispy, kind of like bacon. This is why you cut it thin. It’s going to start to smell good at this point.

When Spam is browned on each side, remove from the flame and let it rest. Just kidding. Spam doesn’t need to rest, it’s not fussy like those other meats. You can just eat it right away, hot off the griddle. But you’ll want to save some for the rice.

Get your rice. Day old rice is fine. Put it in a pot with some vegetable oil. Add three eggs. This is an approximation–usually I use two eggs for one cup of rice, so let’s just say three for a cup and a half.

“But Michelle,” you may be asking, “can I use egg whites with my Spam fried rice?” Now picture me shaking my head ruefully.  Give it up, YOU’RE ALREADY EATING SPAM. Just use the whole egg. You’ll be fine. Note that fried rice is ideally made in a frying pan or a wok under high heat, but I made mine in a pot because the movers took all our stuff and sold it off the back of their truck on the streets of the Bronx somewhere, so now we have NOTHING. But you should use a frying pan if you have such finery.

Toss the rice and the egg around, careful not to let it burn. Well, a little burned is fine. You can add some salt if you like, but remember, Spam is already very salty. Some people like to cut their Spam up into little cubes and toss it in the rice as they’re frying it, but I do not condone this method, preferring instead to lay the Spam slices on top like a katsudon. Also, some people (not me) add vegetables and stuff to their fried rice, but why bother? You’re already eating Spam. Just eat some vegetables tomorrow.

Remove rice from flame. Spoon into a bowl, and place crisped Spam slices on top. Eat with relish. When your gringo husband notes that the Spam is “really salty,” shake your head in sorrow and pity. Spam. The others will never understand.

(Serves four, or one really hungry person for dinner and, subsequently, breakfast.)
(Recipe from The Underwear Drawer, it is not my own!)
So, I ate a bowl of plain fried rice, and it was good.  I was taking a break from eating, although I was not full (and I know, you don’t have to be full to stop, blah blah, I could teach Weight Watchers now except I am not Lifetime).  I noticed the can of cashews sitting on the table, and then remembered that there was pineapple in the refrigerator.  And the lightbulb?  Why, it came on.

Kim’s Pineapple Fried Rice

1.  Follow Michelle’s Fried Rice recipe, minus Spam (or add Spam.  Whatever.)
2.  Cut up fresh pineapple, as little or as much as you like, and add to skillet.
3.  Add a handful of unsalted cashew pieces (or halves, or wholes, whatever).  (Salted is fine too.)
4.  If you want to be official, chop up part of an onion and add it to the mix.  I did not do this part.
5.  Toss in skillet until pineapple is warmed through and cashew pieces start to brown; if adding onions, allow them to carmelize slightly (possibly add them in before pineapple, etc.).
5.  Add salt, enjoy!
Just thought I’d share – I love this dish in restaurants, and was so excited to have it for lunch!

One response to “Master Procrastinator Cooks Thai!

  1. Just wanted to stop by and thank you for stopping by. I’ve just joined in on an emailing recipe club so what a bonus to come here an find new recipes to share! Blog on!

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